Hetalia x Reader - 'Dirty Thoughts'
by Mariam Rivaille
Summary: Alfred F. Jones recently had a super idea, it was to prank Arthur Kirkland, and with your help, the British guy started to think different stuff out of this life...


"[Name], dudette!"

"What happened?"

"I'd just got a super idea of what to do today!"

"Really? So what it is?"

"Meet me in my house in ten minutes, please come! It's going to be really funny!"

Phone call off. You just received a phone call from one of your best friends, Alfred. The American guy sounded really anxious on the phone, so you predicted that he was planning something really out of control. You were with a big curiosity of what he's up to, so you stood up from your comfortable sofa and began to change your clothes.

It was just a normal day, the weather was in a favorable temperature, the sun was not so hot, birds were singing and flying over the blue sky, people were enjoying a favorable time in parks, etc. Since Alfred's house is not so far from your house, you arrived quickly and began knocking slightly his house's door. After a few seconds, a happy blonde-haired American guy opened the door and immediately received you in one of his bear hugs he was used to give.

"[Name]! You're finally here!" He yelled with his hands around you and his eyes forming on an _'X_' shape.

You were staying without air, so you began to pat on his back, giving him signs that you were staying without air. He finally released you, which provoked you to gasp and sigh.

"I'm sorry [Name]!" He apologized while rubbing the back part of his head.

"It doesn't matter…just don't do it again!" You replied while warning him.

He nodded in agreement and opened the door wider so you can enter. You smiled while stepping into his house. When you entered, Alfred jumped in with a big smirk on his face, he seemed more anxious in person than in how he sounded in the phone. You laughed at the expression he was having.

"So Alfred…talk me about of _'your super idea'_ you just had," You said between chuckles.

"Yes, yes I will! But you have to promise me you will not regret in doing it," He said while looking at your [eye color] eyes with his blue shining eyes in a puppy face.

You had always loved how he made the puppy face, that was the secret arm he used so you can accept all his ideas. But you recognized you can't accept something without knowing what is about first.

"First, I need to know what is about the idea so I can accept it."

He looked away but then he neared to your ear and whispered his idea. Then he moved away. Your face was in a serious form, his idea sounded well, but in how you were going to do it left you in no words. Alfred looked over at your blank face and start thinking in why you were in such that face, then he realized the reason and blushed slightly.

"Hey, but we're not going to do anything of that, it's nothing of what you're thinking about right now, well…you understand me," He said explaining his thought better.

"Oh, okay!" You began to calm down, the thought that you were having really made you to be a little hesitantly.

He laughed as his cheeks began to blush a little, "Well let's begin! Go wait for me at the kitchen, I'll call Artie so this plan can begin," He said in a victorious tone, he then grabbed his cell phone and marked at Arthur's number. You did what Alfred ordered you.

* * *

"Yo', Arthur!"

"What happened?"

"Please, please, please, please come to my house. [Name] is here, we both need to talk to you," The British guy grimaced in the other line while listening what the American wanted.

"Why not just you both say it to me here by the phone?" Arthur replied trying to evade going to Alfred's house.

"Because we have to show you some things to you too," Alfred began laughing slightly, without causing Arthur to hear him.

"…Fine, I will go up there in fifteen minutes."

"YES! Oh, one more thing, please enter by the kitchen's door, I'm having some problems with the front's door, 'kay?"

"Yes, yes whatever…" The British guy hung out the call.

'_Yes! I can't wait for seeing his reaction and hearing his thoughts,' _Alfred thought while smirking and rubbing both of his hands. Then, he went to the front's door and locked it.

* * *

"Arthur will come here in 15 minutes" Alfred said to you while entering the kitchen. You nodded. "Are you ready? Do you already know what to do and say?" Alfred asked.

"Yes, don't worry, this will really be funny," You replied.

"Of course it will! It's an idea from the hero!"

Suddenly someone began to knock in the kitchen's door. Alfred and you knew it was Arthur, so you both began to discuss few things...

* * *

"Alfred, it's me, Arthur, I am here as you told me," The British guy said while knocking on the door. Suddenly, Arthur heard some whispers coming from inside, they were whispers but they sounded…weird. He approached more to the door.

"Alfred! I am here!"

Nothing. Nobody answered him or make signs that they were coming. Arthur moved away from the door, sighed and decided to call Alfred.

Nothing. Alfred didn't answer his cell phone. Arthur sighed and began knocking the door again but harder.

"Alfred!" He yelled, "come here you big git and open the damn door!"

There was still no answer. Arthur was getting mad, so he decided to go. But suddenly, he heard more sounds coming from the inside. He raised one of his bushy eyebrows and decided to get nearer the door…

"_Oh Alfred…" _Arthur heard your voice, _"t__his absolutely looks big and long, and so…exciting by looking at it," _You added. Arthur's eye widened by what he was hearing. He couldn't believe it; he didn't want to think something like that, so he decided to listen more of it to confirm that it is not what he was thinking.

"_Yeah, I know [Name], and it's all yours. How many inches do you think it is?" _Alfred replied, speaking as the same way as you are doing; in whispers.

You huffed a little. "_Really? Then I will enjoy this…and I don't know, but the size really surprised me, I can't believe it is too long!" _You said in a surprised tone. Arthur was starting to get blushed.

_"Well, you are seeing it right now! Believe it dudette! It is long and big!" _Alfred replied with a loud tone of voice, making those words enter directly to Arthur's ears.

_"It...It's getting hard?" _You mumbled.

_"S…Seems so…"_

_"So…now what?"_

_"…You should touch it or try it to confirm it."_

_"Bloody hell…no Arthur, no! It's not what it looks like! They might be doing…um…no it's not that, damn it!" _Arthur whispered in a medium tone of voice, but Alfred reached to listen him.

_"Are you serious? With the mouth? It would not be…uncomfortable and hot?"_

_"Nope, just do it," _Alfred insisted.

"_Sorry I can't, I'm not used to that flavor. It will be my first time, Alfred._"

Arthur turned into deep scarlet; some _dirty _thoughts were coming up to his mind. He couldn't just imagine that Alfred and you were…well you know, and in a kitchen? That was weird, but the thought of you and Alfred _doing_ it couldn't get off of his head. He shook his head trying to avoid it.

"_Your first time trying it? Oh…well we always have a first time for everything, so what if you give it a try?" _Alfred insisted again.

_"No I won't!"_ You replied firmly.

_"Oh come on dudette!"_

_"I said no Alfred, I will never put on my mouth something like that, it's my first time trying on this flavor, and I won't!"_

_"If you don't do it, I'll do it for you."_

_"No Alfred, no!"_ You began to shout a little, this made Arthur to pay on more attention.

_"Here it is, dudette!"_

_"..Ngh, A-Alfred!"_ You moaned, _"No, ngh…Al…Alfred!"_

_"Uh…h-how is it?"_

_"…It's, it's hot! I d-don't want anymore! Take it from my mouth!"_ You moaned harder. _"And it's a little viscous, sticky and dank"_

_"Okay, just one more!"_ Alfred insisted again in you to try _it _again.

_"No Alfred no mo__—" _Your voice was cut off by Alfred. Then, you began to gasp and moan. Finally, you smiled.

_"You see, it wasn't too bad."_

_"You were true, really, it's not bad."_

_"The hero will always be right!"_ Alfred exclaimed in a victorious tone.

_"Um…Alfred, what is this white __liquid which seems a little viscous?_" You questioned the blonde-haired guy.

'_WHITE LIQUID, WHAT?!' _Arthur shouted internally to himself, '_What the bloody hell is occurring with this two gits?!_' He added.

"_…I don't know, but how does it tastes?_"

"Weird," You replied. "but favorable."

"That is it!" Arthur yelled madly, he began to knock on the door really hard while calling Alfred.

* * *

"_Oh my God, Alfred I think we should let him come now,_" You whispered to Alfred so Arthur cannot listen.

"_Yeah I think it too. Well, do you have everything out? Are you ready? You know what you have to do and all, right?" _Alfred asked you while looking at your eyes.

_"Yes, everything, I'm ready," You nodded.  
_

* * *

_"Alfred come out! I already heard you!" Arthur yelled more angrily than before._

Suddenly, the kitchen's door was opened, coming out an American guy with blue eyes and blonde hair.

"Yo' Artie, dude! You're here!" Alfred exclaimed as he gave Arthur one of his bear hugs.

"Let go of me, you wanker!" Arthur ordered Alfred, and then he released him.

"Come in!"

Arthur, without saying a word, entered quickly as a cyclone.

"[Name]!" Arthur yelled.

"Hello there Arthur!" You said waving one of your hands to him, while the other one was holding a plate with a piece of cake in it.

Arthur's gaze turned into confusion. He didn't know what was happening.

"…Uhm…What happened here?" The British guy asked with still confusion on his face.

"Oh, it was that [Name] and I were preparing a cake for when you come, we can serve it. We took more of the time expected but the result is really good, you should try it!" Alfred smiled at the guy with messy blonde hair while taking the plate with the piece of cake that you had on one of your hands, then he offered it to Arthur.

"Thanks I guess…" Arthur cordially accepted the cake. He gave it a try while munching a piece. His eyes widened.

"This…This really tastes good," Arthur said, "I really like it."

"Thank you Artie!" Both, Alfred and you replied him with a mocking smile.

"Can I please make a question?" Arthur asked as he was finishing eating the piece of cake offered by the American and [Nationality].

"Yes, sure you can," You replied.

"What were those weird sounds you two were making? And that weird and disgusting conversation," Arthur blushed as those thoughts invaded again his mind.

While looking each other, Alfred and you began laughing really hard. Arthur was staring at you two waiting for an answer.

"Answer me you gits! I am waiting for your answer, stop laughing!" Arthur articulated. You both couldn't stop laughing, apparently your prank really function, and you two could prove something, and it was that Arthur was really a dirty-thinking person.

"I can't believe you were thinking in something bad, Arthur!" You said surprised and laughing at the same time.

"…What?"

"Dude, you were just prank by us!"

"Prank? I do not understand…" Arthur replied as if he was lost on the moon.

"This was a joke we planned to you. We decided to invite you so we can fulfilled this prank. It was about that Alfred and me have a _'sensual' _conversation and make you think we were having oral sex, but we really weren't doing that, we were just preparing and baking a cake. The 'sensual' conversation was a conversation we were having about the cake, but we make it look in both ways, I don't know if you already catch it?" You explained the British confused guy.

"So…those moan sounds and that entire weird thing…was acting?"

"Yes, except the thing that we were baking a cake," Alfred added.

"Oh…I now understand…" Arthur said.

Alfred and you smirked widely and laughed.

"Is not funny you gits!" Arthur exclaimed with a serious gaze and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yes it was!" Alfred laughed.

"No, it was not. It was disgusting…oh, another doubt…what was the white viscous liquid you talked about?"

"That was icing, it really tasted weird," You said.

"Oh…"

"…Artie you are really a dirty-thinking person," Alfred giggled.


End file.
